Real or Reflection?

The tranquil, elegant and majestic bloom of a lotus inspires myriad emotions and responses. It is a symbol of hope and new beginnings for many. Imagine its origins in deep, dark, murky waters of a lake or pond. It has struggled to reach for sunlight and fresh air, emerging in all its pristine glory, clean, untouched and pure. Its plush, velvety petals glisten brilliantly. It sits propped up on its throne of succulent lotus leaves that fan out around it.

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Your Emotional Granularity

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You are walking down the sidewalk having fetched your child from school, and you ask, “How was your day at school today?”  “Good” comes a prompt response, in a sing-song voice, as he skips along.  You smile indulgently waiting for further elaboration. None is forthcoming.  You are mystified by the limited vocabulary that children use to summarize their experience of an entire day.

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Regulating Your Emotions

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Having been introduced to the RULER approach for emotional intelligence in the previous post, you can begin to implement each of these 5 skills. You put them into practice in your daily lives. By using your emotions wisely, you are creating pathways for success.  This applies to your interactions with family members, friends, social connections as well as work relationships.

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Your Emotions Matter

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Emotion regulation is not a luxury. It’s a core life skill we can all learn”  says Marc Brackett, PhD, Founding Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence in his book, Dealing with Feeling: Use your Emotions to Create the Life you Want, 2025.   He proceeds to avow “It is essential for ….. thriving personally and professionally.”  His words are a distinct clarion call to sit up and take notice.  

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Audacious Bravery

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“I tried. I dreamt. I jumped. I hope if you take away anything from my journey it’s that you all have the courage to dare greatly. Life is too short not to take chances on yourself. Because the only failure in life is not trying. I believe in you, just as you believed in me.” Lindsey Vonn, Feb 9, 2026.  Vonn, an American Alpine Ski Racer, was competing at the Milan-Cortina Winter Olympics XXV, in the women’s downhill final on February 8th.  It was nine days after tearing her ACL, and within 13 seconds of her run, she crashed and was airlifted by a helicopter to be rushed for medical treatment.  She suffered multiple complex fractures and has a long recovery ahead.

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Fine Tune your Listening

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To develop the art of true connection it helps to examine the exquisite qualities needed to be a radical listener.  By breaking down the skills needed into distinct categories, it makes it easier for you to focus on the areas that need refining. If you fine tune your ability to connect with others at a deeper level, your impact could be profound.  Watch and feel the transformation unfold.

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Setting an Intention

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Making new year’s resolutions is a well embraced practice the world over. We do this with renewed sincerity and fresh resolve year after year. I glance sheepishly at my own short-term dedication to resolutions that eventually fizzle out. This year, in addition to the tenacious determination to hold fast to our resolutions, let us add another layer. After doggedly committing to goals for yourself, I invite you to set an intention for others: ‘to be present’ and ‘to listen’.

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Courageous Communication

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You are astride a racehorse, and you are in the middle of a terrifying turn, when it takes all you have got to keep your body aligned, adjust your rein tension and leg pressure to guide the horse.   Even as you feel intense trepidation rise within you, you keep going, trusting the process.
 
Fear is a reaction.  Courage is a response.  When you experience fear as an emotional reaction to a situation, you choose to respond by acting with courage.  It is a decision you make to face the situation.  Fear and courage are two sides of the same coin.  They are interrelated.  

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Grow your SPIRE

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Envision a tall, slender, conical shaped tree that stands in a stately manner, adding to the beauty of the landscape and at the same time exudes strength and stability in its densely packed foliage. Imagine you are cultivating and nourishing this lofty spire for your own wellbeing. 

Tal Ben Shahar offers us the SPIRE  model of happiness in his book Happier: No Matter What (2021).  SPIRE represents five elements of spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational and emotional wellbeing.  

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Anti-fragility: Learning to Bend

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A tree develops deep roots and a sturdy trunk when it bends and sways in strong gusts of wind.  Agricultural research studies the presence/absence of wind on the stability/fragility of a tree.   Trees planted in biosphere greenhouses and protected spaces grow rapidly but then tend to fall over. Trees growing in open spaces that have weathered harsh drafts of wind over time are likely to stay standing. They are less susceptible to wind damage as they develop stress wood. They have grown pliant and supple. The role of wind in cultivating hardy trees is essential.  

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