Having been introduced to the RULER approach for emotional intelligence in the previous post, you can begin to implement each of these 5 skills. You put them into practice in your daily lives. By using your emotions wisely, you are creating pathways for success. This applies to your interactions with family members, friends, social connections as well as work relationships.
Here is a quick refresher:
R.U.L.E.R. ©Marc Brackett, PhD
- RECOGNIZE your feelings in the moment. What is happening in your body? Where? What emotions are they associated with?
- UNDERSTAND their causes and consequences. What is making you react this way? What are possible outcomes of such feelings?
- LABEL the feelings as they arise. Most of us have a limited vocabulary of emotions. You may want to expand yours and learn how to spot and identify distinctions to be able to zero in on your finer emotion. It makes a big difference in how you respond.
- EXPRESS your feelings in a socially acceptable way. This is critical if you want to be heard and not be shut out or dismissed.
- REGULATE your emotions to bring them to a manageable level.
Regulating is easier said than done. We come to the heart of the matter and the most challenging of all the skills. Read the strategies for regulating listed below. Then dive in, parsing out the steps suggested for each strategy.
Strategies for Regulating:
- Quieting your Mind and Body
- Redirecting your Thoughts
- Cultivating emotional strength through relationships
- Optimizing your Emotion Regulation Budget
1. QUIETING YOUR MIND AND BODY
- Breathing exercises: Inhale and exhale slowly to calm your sympathetic nervous system
- Reduce screen time: Get up, stretch, walk, read a book
2. REDIRECTING YOUR THOUGHTS
- Positive self-talk: self-acceptance, self-affirmation, self-compassion
- Reframe situation: find an alternative interpretation of the situation by looking through a positive lens
3. STRENGTHENING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
- Recall positive memory: with the person who is currently triggering stress within you
- Reach out for support: to a trusted person to process and validate your feelings and to get a fresh perspective
4. OPTIMIZING YOUR BUDGET
- Exercise: Engage in physical activity of choice when you are charged up to release strong emotions.
- Sleep: Increase your sleep hygiene by ensuring 7-8 hours of a good night’s sleep to cleanse the brain.
- Diet: Ensure your intake of healthy whole foods to nourish your body and brain.
When you maintain a robust input and output of physical energy, you are able to soften and stabilize your emotional energy. You maintain a healthy bank balance when you deposit and withdraw your assets mindfully. You are securing a positive balance and staying in the black.
As you can see, this is a work in progress. If at the end of it all, you say, “But I don’t have time for all this!” Think again. It may well be worth the time, energy and effort you invest in regulating your emotions. You will come out ahead. Take the RULER, run with it, then pass it on like a baton, to the next team player. It is a relay race we are all in, for mastering our emotional wellness.