You are walking down the sidewalk having fetched your child from school, and you ask, “How was your day at school today?” “Good” comes a prompt response, in a sing-song voice, as he skips along. You smile indulgently waiting for further elaboration. None is forthcoming. You are mystified by the limited vocabulary that children use to summarize their experience of an entire day.
It is not just children who are limited in their vocabulary of describing feelings. The same tendency is seen mirrored in adults. Many of us stay very constricted within a tight circle of ‘sad, mad, glad’ choice of words. This inclination to default to easy-to-remember, broad labels is strongly inbred in us. We have schooled ourselves to spend the least amount of time identifying emotions.
This could be choice, to save time that is otherwise considered better spent on intellectual conversations, and other areas of interest. It could be laziness, as it is rather daunting to sift through our finer emotions. It could be discomfort, of vulnerability either in private or in front of others. We have conditioned ourselves.
By expanding our vocabulary of emotions, we can identify our feelings with acute precision. By exercising our minds to broaden our perspectives, we widen our circle of emotions. By digging deeper and separating the individual, coarse grains, we can pinpoint and recognize each separate granule. Why is this important?
The skill of developing Emotional Granularity is about creating emotional toughness. It contributes to a healthier lifestyle in both personal and professional areas.
Benefits of an e-x-p-a-n-d-e-d emotional vocabulary:
- Name it to Tame it: Avoid generalizing negativity. When we generalize and say we have a ‘bad’ feeling, we become overwhelmed by the abstract term. The limbic system in the brain goes into overdrive. The stress hormone cortisol is released in abundance to send us into ‘fight or flight’ mode. This results in full-blown panic or rage.
By fine tuning the recognition of the emotion as something more refined such as you are ‘disappointed’ or ‘dissatisfied’, you recognize readily how to handle it. Your brain gets the message that feasible action can be taken to alleviate the minor distress. It recognizes the real severity of the threat, and the required energy needed to manage it.
- Create Greater Self Awareness: The more you practice, the more adept you become at reading your emotional barometer. Daily check-ins with yourself in the morning or at the end of the day, to assess your emotion(s) will get you into a routine. You are clearly able to distinguish between feeling ‘startled’ and ‘confused’.
You can sort out the source of the reaction to the situation. You are confident that you have the skills and know how to respond to it without becoming flooded with an array of unwanted, unmanageable feelings such as ‘terrified’ or ‘frozen with fear’. You have self-agency. This is highly empowering.
- Cultivate Empathy: When you can identify and communicate your own experience with accuracy, you are able to listen to others more keenly. In a discussion with your spouse, you can perceive the subtle differences, and instead of assuming ‘sarcasm’ you are able to read ‘skepticism’. You can reflect and validate his nuanced emotions more accurately. He feels heard. You can respond in a controlled and appropriate manner.
Similarly, in a meeting with a direct report, you are able to interpret her underperformance due to feeling ‘ignored’ by the team instead of presuming she is ‘indifferent’ towards the project. You can acknowledge her discomfort and coach her effectively to motivate and inspire her. This facilitates strong, effective communication.
By developing compassion, you foster healthier relationships with others: spouses, friends, and colleagues.
- Nurture Overall Wellbeing: The greater your emotional granularity, the better your physical, mental and emotional health. You become more skilled at self-regulating your emotions, so you are not exhausted from juggling large balls in the air that represent your untamed emotions.
You become less dependent on medications and lead a healthier lifestyle. You sleep better, play freely and work hard without burning out. You know how to moderate your activities throughout the day. When you pace yourself better, you are more likely to recognize when an emotion first bubbles up and know how to take quick action to keep it from ballooning out of proportion. You contain it.
- Develop Broaden-and-Build Mindset: Negative emotions narrow our focus whereas positive emotions open our minds. It is even more valuable to multiply our vocabulary of positive emotions to be happier. The more positive emotions we practice spotting and expressing, the more content we are.
When you feel gratified, joyful, curious, courageous, triumphant, proud, confident or loved, you want to pause, identify it, experience it in the body, and verbalize it out loud. By savoring and acting on positive feelings, you are lighting up the reward centers in the brain. As your upward spiral grows, your creative problem-solving abilities multiply, your personal resources in social, intellectual and psychological areas shore up nicely.
By experiencing and identifying more positive emotions, we expand “our thought-action repertoire”, according to Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, PhD.
Emotional awareness drives emotional growth. So, give it a whirl and expand your awareness of the many, multi-dimensional, layered emotions that exist. Have fun identifying them and using them in daily practice to become more skilled at emotional granularity!
WHEEL OF EMOTIONS
