Have you ever had your character strengths run amok when all you thought you were doing is frolic lightly on the beach? Just when you were starting to have some fun and confidence that you were engaging a strength you are really proud of, and comes more naturally to you than others, you are completely blindsided by the fact that ….oops…. it has run wild. You are overly engaged. It is now counterproductive to you. How do you restrain the use of that strength?
“The tempering effect refers to the use of a character strength to help manage a higher strength, for example, using self-regulation to temper one’s curious questioning.” Ryan Niemiec, Ruth Pearce, 2021
A development manager once said, “Honesty is my Top Strength, and I take great pride in it. But my friend tells me I am honest to a fault. I am too blunt.” As much as she revered the venerated strength, she conceded the need to moderate it.
One effective way she found was to raise her strength of Social Intelligence which was a lesser strength of hers. She learned to become attuned to how her words might land on the other person and whether they would be affected by her brazen forthrightness. By raising a lower strength she was effectively keeping a check on her overuse of a top strength. The uninhibited virtue of Courage was tamed by the virtue of Humanity.
Similarly, a founder of a non-profit organization acknowledged Perseverance was her top strength, an admirable quality to get tasks done and goals accomplished. But driven to excess it resulted in her getting caught in the weeds and details to the point of losing sight of the bigger vision of the organization.
That is when leveraging Perspective which was her lesser quality, was useful to regain balance. She learned to step back to look at systems as a whole. The overinflated virtue of Courage was tempered by the virtue of Wisdom.
Zest possesses both ‘mental and physical vigor’ and involves doing things whole heartedly with unbridled enthusiasm. Research shows that zest predicts both life and work satisfaction. How can anyone go wrong with engaging this strength?
Yet, when a director of design found he got so engrossed in his activity to the level of being ‘in flow’, he became oblivious to the rest of the world, his own needs for rest and sustenance, or any other obligations. He truly enjoyed his work and woke up every morning ready to take on the day with gusto. But it was at the cost of work-life balance. It caused upheaval in his personal life and took a toll on his health.
He mindfully pulled up on Self-Regulation to introduce the idea of mini and macro breaks to attend to his other roles in life and recharge so as to return with the same fervor to the work he adored. Once again the runaway virtue of Courage was moderated by the virtue of Temperance.
You may have noticed that all three examples up above are coincidentally of leadership with strengths under the virtue of Courage, that had to be reined in. This has given me pause to rethink. Perhaps it would help you to reassess your own top strengths and see if they need to be moderated. Finding that golden mean of your character strengths gives you the space to apply them optimally.
Instead of letting your dog loose to run with abandon at all times, it is advisable to put him on a leash occasionally, so that he can learn to walk at a steady pace.