Fine Tune your Listening

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To develop the art of true connection it helps to examine the exquisite qualities needed to be a radical listener.  By breaking down the skills needed into distinct categories, it makes it easier for you to focus on the areas that need refining. If you fine tune your ability to connect with others at a deeper level, your impact could be profound.  Watch and feel the transformation unfold.

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Setting an Intention

Making new year’s resolutions is a well embraced practice the world over. We do this with renewed sincerity and fresh resolve year after year. I glance sheepishly at my own short-term dedication to resolutions that eventually fizzle out. This year, in addition to the tenacious determination to hold fast to our resolutions, let us add another layer. After doggedly committing to goals for yourself, I invite you to set an intention for others: ‘to be present’ and ‘to listen’.

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Courageous Communication

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You are astride a racehorse, and you are in the middle of a terrifying turn, when it takes all you have got to keep your body aligned, adjust your rein tension and leg pressure to guide the horse.   Even as you feel intense trepidation rise within you, you keep going, trusting the process.
 
Fear is a reaction.  Courage is a response.  When you experience fear as an emotional reaction to a situation, you choose to respond by acting with courage.  It is a decision you make to face the situation.  Fear and courage are two sides of the same coin.  They are interrelated.  

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Grow your SPIRE

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Envision a tall, slender, conical shaped tree that stands in a stately manner, adding to the beauty of the landscape and at the same time exudes strength and stability in its densely packed foliage. Imagine you are cultivating and nourishing this lofty spire for your own wellbeing. 

Tal Ben Shahar offers us the SPIRE  model of happiness in his book Happier: No Matter What (2021).  SPIRE represents five elements of spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational and emotional wellbeing.  

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Anti-fragility: Learning to Bend

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A tree develops deep roots and a sturdy trunk when it bends and sways in strong gusts of wind.  Agricultural research studies the presence/absence of wind on the stability/fragility of a tree.   Trees planted in biosphere greenhouses and protected spaces grow rapidly but then tend to fall over. Trees growing in open spaces that have weathered harsh drafts of wind over time are likely to stay standing. They are less susceptible to wind damage as they develop stress wood. They have grown pliant and supple. The role of wind in cultivating hardy trees is essential.  

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What is Your Chronotype?

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There are times when you are operating at your best without breaking a sweat.  You are fully immersed in your task or work, with laser focused attention, top-notch efficiency and sky-high effectiveness. You are soaring at your ‘peak performance’.  It feels good and gratifying.  Your heart swells with pride.  You might even give yourself a pat on the back.  These golden moments can be short lived though.  They are certainly not sustainable all day long, at least not for most of us.

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Taking a Break: Wimpy or Wise?

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You are deeply engrossed in your task at work or home.  You push your own limits to keep doing what you are committed to (work responsibility), or what you love to do (personal hobby).  You are with your head to the grindstone, and nothing is going to detract you.  Until you realize the sun has set on the horizon, your hunger pangs are now loud gurgling growls, your vision is hazy and blurred, and you are totally spent with sheer exhaustion.

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A Nap a Day: Sloth or Strength?

Recall the time when your grandmother would retire after lunch to take a leisurely mid-afternoon snooze?  You looked at her affectionately and indulgently smiled “How nice”.  Then, came your struggles with your toddler who was defying naptime and wanted to be a self-proclaimed grown up. This invariably led to early evening full-on melt downs that ripped the peace of the household.  Sigh. Those were the good times. 

Influence: Your own Circle to Create

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Reva was recently promoted to a new leadership position which came with the responsibility of managing 12 people who came from different organizations, varying degrees of capabilities and outlooks, and differing levels of motivation to work with her as their lead.  Her looming concern was the reluctance, indifference, or worse, hostility she faced from them.

Staying focused on the concern, agonizing and having sleepless nights over it was doing her no good.  She wanted to prove her worth and her leadership capability.  She wanted to start with a fresh outlook, instead, she was exhausted with low motivation even before she got started.  This did not bode well for her. 

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Alignment: Values in Sync

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Recently, while attending a Hindustani Classical music program, I was mesmerized by the melody created by the artists. Both tabla (percussion) and sitar (string) artists were responding to each other, keeping pace with each other’s tempo, developing a raga through improvisation. When the vocalist joined to create a trio, he set the stage, “Hindustani Classical Music is so spontaneous, let us see where this takes us.” 

Indeed, each was masterful in his own execution, each was attending to the other’s rhythm, each added his own variation, creating a unique heterophony. They had the audience swaying to the music, in complete rapture.  They made eye contact with each other, listened, and performed as a team.  They were in alignment.

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